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Posts Tagged ‘office dating’

When office dating turns to stalking

When Jessica first met Tom, he was working in a different department of the company they both worked for.  They needed to interact whenever she came in to his office to deliver papers and he was always polite and kind to her.  They would always make light conversation and over time, he seemed very interested in giving her his full attention whenever she came into the department.  One day he asked her if she wanted to grab a bite to eat for lunch and that was the start of their dating relationship.  She thought he made her feel special.  “He always told me how beautiful I was and how lucky any man would be to have me.”   Jessica was only 22 and just started her first job out of college.  Tom was a little older and she liked that he would take her to the finest restaurants and insisted on buying new things for her all the time.  “At first, I loved the attention and how he made me feel.  After we went out for a couple of months though, he started to become controlling and tried to tell me what to do.  Since he was 9 years older than me, I guess I let him treat me this way and told myself he just cares about me and worries about me.” 

Eventually, when Tom completely overreacted when Jessica went out with a few co-workers after work, she decided she had enough and broke up with him.

The stalking started with phone calls during and after work.  “He would try to convince me that I was wrong and try to blame me for how our relationship deteriorated.  I never took the call if I knew it was him.  He would leave long voicemail messages from one extreme to the other – either apologizing or yelling at me and accusing me of cheating while we dated . . . things like that.  Then he started hanging around when it was time to go home.  I would continually hear people from my office reporting that they saw him lurking around my car in the parking lot.  Some of the other guys I worked with offered to walk me to my car at night just to keep me safe.  Once one of the guys confronted him and then the harassing calls got worse as he was convinced I was in love with that guy all along.”

“It was very scary.  I finally did go and talk to our Human Resources person but I am not sure he believes me.  Looking back at it all, I wish I would have picked up on the warning signs and I never would have let myself get in so deep in the first place.”

Stalking is a serious problem.  If you ever have a complaint from one of your employees about Stalking or Harassment, it is very important that you handle it seriously and professionally.  It can be difficult for someone inside of a company to see a situation objectively, so consider turning to professionals who are experienced in investigating stalking cases.  At AISG, they don’t believe anyone should have to feel pressured or afraid to go to work.  Their investigators will treat them with respect and really listen to what is going on to help your company get the evidence you need to get the stalking to stop. 

Here is some additional information that can be helpful to know:

In conjunction with the Network for Surviving Stalking, the University of Leicester has been conducting an
ongoing, international survey of stalking.   They report:

  • Half of the victims responding to the survey reported being told they were being paranoid or over-
    reacting when they confided to friends and colleagues about their stalker.  
  • 57% of victims said they did not go to the police when their stalking problem started for fear of
    being ignored or laughed at.
  • A sixth of victims in the Leicester study said they were told they were lucky to receive such
  • A third of these victims said that prior to being stalked, they’d thought that only mentally ill people
    were responsible for stalking.

Give us a call if you have an employee who feels they are being stalked.  We are professionals and are on your side.